My talk with God

Well this morning I decided today is the day TODAY I begin reading Your word again. I have been talking to You and meditating on You the past few weeks and I am in AWE of how You stood with arms wide open to receive me as your lost daughter come home. I feel You, in my darkest moments I turned from you I felt I had lost my faith. I never denied You I just did not cry out to You, I denied myself Your love, support and amazing healing touch. Lord I am coming back to you.
You have seen my struggle, my depression that took over my life that controlled me. I must fight back, I need to be the mother my kids deserve and I can't do that w/ out you! I need to be the wife my husband deserves and I can't do that without you! I need to be the person you have called me to be and I can't do that without you! I need to have faith again and I can't do it without you! I need to get out of my bed in the morning and I CANNOT do it without you! YOU ARE MY SAVIOR! YOUR ARE MY LORD! YOUR ARE MY ROCK! YOU ARE MY FORTRESS! YOU ARE MY FRIEND! YOUR ARE MY LOVE! YOUR ARE MY GOD!!!!!!

Today I was at a loss for what to study and You lead me to 2 Timothy... A letter to Timothy from Paul while he was chained in a cell... in what would have been a moment that I would have sat in my own self pity he called Timothy out. He did not call out to Timothy to save him from his cell but to remind Timothy of his caalling, his charge to go out and Spread YOUR word! He was sitting in a cell, jailed for telling people of your greatness and yet he had the STRENGTH to advise and offer support to another, he could NOT have done that without YOU! I believe You lead me to this book today because you know what I need and today I needed words of encouragement from and man who was in a worse place than I physically but spiritually he is in a place I can only reach through walking with you each day.
the verses that stood out to me today, and by standing out I mean like a huge flashing Time Square sign....

the first
2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of POWER, of LOVE, and of SELF-DISCIPLINE.

Even now as I type this Satan is SCREAMING in my head the "You don't wanna give up _______ do you?"
A Spirit of POWER, of LOVE, and of SELF-DISCIPLINE!!!! DO YOU HEAR THAT POWER and SELF-DISCIPLINE!!!!! I may be weak when I alone, I may be powerless when I am alone, I may self-destructing when I am alone but I AM NOT ALONE!!! God gave ME a SPIRIT of POWER, of LOVE, and of SELF-DISCIPLINE!!!

the second
2 Timothy 2:13
if we are faithless,
HE WILL REMAIN FAITHFUL
for He cannot disown Himself.

I lost my faith I have denied myself of Your healing love and yet you never lost faith. you never stopped loving me I just was so lost in my own darkness I never saw your light...I was to afraid to open my eyes in my darkness I could not see your light!! I called out to you, I reached out to you and you took my hand and gave me the strength, you lead me to the light and when I felt the POWER you gave to me, when I felt the warmth of Your light on my face I opened my eyes and saw the the light. You never lost faith when I thought I had, You never left me when I had given up and when I called out to You You restored my spirit! Thank You my awesome God!