Mole hills

Well for todays eye opening moment you must first have a bit of the history ....
In the mornings that Micah has to be out of the house early and nicely dressed WE ALWAYS fight. There is always something Micah is looking for and his demands for me to find it for him get under my skin first thing in the morning.
Well this morning what no different than any other morning as far as Micah looking for his shoes, his belt, wallet, phone... and it was no different that I was running around looking for them ... it was also no different that he was getting under my skin, BUT what WAS different was that in my moment of weakness, the moment I was losing my self control AT THAT moment I silently called out to God to calm my heart and he spoke right to my heart w/ lyrics to a song. AMAZING how God always knows what method to communicate with me!
Anyway the song was a song He gave to Ginny Owens, in fact it was the first song I ever heard her sing many many years ago...
Turnin' molehills into mountains,
Makin' big deals out of small ones,
Bearing gifts as if they're burdens,
This is how it's been.
Fear of coming out of my shell,
Too many things I can't do too well,
afraid I'll try real hard, and I'll fail--
This is how it's been.
Till the day You pounded on my heart's door,
And You shouted joyfully,
"You're not a slave anymore!"

Thank you Lord for speaking to my heart this morning! Thank you for helping me remain calm and for keeping my rebellious spirit controlled.

2 years of living with a princess

Well it happened, MY little princess turned 2!! PRAISE GOD!! For those of you who don't remember my tiny little gift she was not even 6 lbs when she was born and it took her around 6 months to double her tiny 5 lbs. She is now a normal sized 2 year old with a 2 year olds attitude! I am not complaining I am LOVING IT!! (She is a lot like me ;) ) I do, however, find it trying somedays and I find myself at my end, and I am again learning to ask God to get me thru. And because of this I, myself am having less temper tantrums. Which seems to REALLY help w/ my kids and there tempers! Amazing what a GOOD example can do huh?? I pray that I can be the kinda person I want them to be. I want to lead them by example and not by my words. I have many things to work on and I am making changes thanks to Gods hands in my life.

A note to my princess:
Alex, my love, happy birthday!!!
I am SO blessed to have you as my daughter. You are an amazing light in my life. You are a little girl and yet a force to be reckoned with. Your new attitude keeps me on my toes and reminds me you are MY daughter! It also makes me think about what a difference a strong young woman can make, and how I need to raise you up in a way that the difference you make is not a destructive one but a constructive one that positively impacts peoples lives!
Alex, you trust me in a way I feel I am not deserving. Your trust in me is unwavering when you are hungry you come to me for food, when you are thirsty you come to me for a drink, when you are hurt, scared, upset, sad or angry you come to me for comfort, AND you "KNOW" I will take care of you. Alex is was my prayer on your birthday that I can show you that the reason you mommy can do all of those things for you is because God has done all those things for me! And that I can come to a place again where my trust in him is like you trust in me! unwavering, unconditional child like faith! I thank God for sending me one of the cutest roll models I have ever met, and for giving me the insight to see the connection between your trust in me and the trust I need to have in him! Alex, I LOVE YOU!

and now a few pics .... cause what would a birthday post be without a quick review?!?
EDIT: Sorry some of the pics are too big Iwill fix on monday ... I just don't have time right now!!
Alex in the hospital not too long after she was born


One of my all time favs of the big brother and little sis!


One of the many pics of tiny, not so healthy Alex


And of COURSE!!


This is my alex just before we got her meds right


and this is JUST a few weeks later right around christmas!!! What a gift I got!!


First Easter...


These are all last summer on or many trips to Lancaster, and Hershey

Summer fun!


please NOT while I am eating!


Chillin!


Ok this was in at a Camp ground in OC ... and yes she fell asleep that way!


First Birthday!



First Birthday party!!

Alex and Pop!


Alex and cake!



She ate HALF of it!!!




And now on to the last year .....

first piggies


tink


Just CUTE



Christmas! (at wal-mart)


yay poptart!


Just a great pic some where around easter


first night in a big girl bed!


I see this and I think they will always have each other


She got 'em done and no tears she was a little iffy after the 2nd one but was ALL smiles when she saw them in the mirror :D


little hand painting a little egg


I LOVE pizza time w/ Alex!


Summer fun!



Camping by the river last 2 weeks ago





And HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET ONE (an outfit she got for her Birthday made by miss Shea)
Whats outside of the fence?



Stay tuned!! This weekend is the Big Brother and Little Sister birthday party combo down by the river LoL and next week is Big Brothers Birthday!!

My talk with God

Well this morning I decided today is the day TODAY I begin reading Your word again. I have been talking to You and meditating on You the past few weeks and I am in AWE of how You stood with arms wide open to receive me as your lost daughter come home. I feel You, in my darkest moments I turned from you I felt I had lost my faith. I never denied You I just did not cry out to You, I denied myself Your love, support and amazing healing touch. Lord I am coming back to you.
You have seen my struggle, my depression that took over my life that controlled me. I must fight back, I need to be the mother my kids deserve and I can't do that w/ out you! I need to be the wife my husband deserves and I can't do that without you! I need to be the person you have called me to be and I can't do that without you! I need to have faith again and I can't do it without you! I need to get out of my bed in the morning and I CANNOT do it without you! YOU ARE MY SAVIOR! YOUR ARE MY LORD! YOUR ARE MY ROCK! YOU ARE MY FORTRESS! YOU ARE MY FRIEND! YOUR ARE MY LOVE! YOUR ARE MY GOD!!!!!!

Today I was at a loss for what to study and You lead me to 2 Timothy... A letter to Timothy from Paul while he was chained in a cell... in what would have been a moment that I would have sat in my own self pity he called Timothy out. He did not call out to Timothy to save him from his cell but to remind Timothy of his caalling, his charge to go out and Spread YOUR word! He was sitting in a cell, jailed for telling people of your greatness and yet he had the STRENGTH to advise and offer support to another, he could NOT have done that without YOU! I believe You lead me to this book today because you know what I need and today I needed words of encouragement from and man who was in a worse place than I physically but spiritually he is in a place I can only reach through walking with you each day.
the verses that stood out to me today, and by standing out I mean like a huge flashing Time Square sign....

the first
2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of POWER, of LOVE, and of SELF-DISCIPLINE.

Even now as I type this Satan is SCREAMING in my head the "You don't wanna give up _______ do you?"
A Spirit of POWER, of LOVE, and of SELF-DISCIPLINE!!!! DO YOU HEAR THAT POWER and SELF-DISCIPLINE!!!!! I may be weak when I alone, I may be powerless when I am alone, I may self-destructing when I am alone but I AM NOT ALONE!!! God gave ME a SPIRIT of POWER, of LOVE, and of SELF-DISCIPLINE!!!

the second
2 Timothy 2:13
if we are faithless,
HE WILL REMAIN FAITHFUL
for He cannot disown Himself.

I lost my faith I have denied myself of Your healing love and yet you never lost faith. you never stopped loving me I just was so lost in my own darkness I never saw your light...I was to afraid to open my eyes in my darkness I could not see your light!! I called out to you, I reached out to you and you took my hand and gave me the strength, you lead me to the light and when I felt the POWER you gave to me, when I felt the warmth of Your light on my face I opened my eyes and saw the the light. You never lost faith when I thought I had, You never left me when I had given up and when I called out to You You restored my spirit! Thank You my awesome God!

My journey, my fight, myself

My life may not be what I expected at this point but here is were I find myself. A mother of 2 beautiful kids, a wife and ... lost. I have become a floater I simply wake up and exist. I feel like I have lost my faith. I have lost my spark. I have lost ...me. This is my Journey back to God and back to me....